Surreality

Log start: 4:11am January 8th, 2011

This past week, i've been waking up to dreams where the dream is a more ideal place to be than real life. There's nothing wrong with me (or at least i don't think so) but usually, no matter how awesome the dream is, i wake up and go "ahh, that was a nice escape, now, back to real life, lalala"
But no, not this past week.
I'm finally getting an uninterrupted 7-8-9 hours of sleep and this is what i have to show for it, a dream that i would prefer living in as opposed to reality, even if it's not 150% epic.

My conclusion is that there's something in real life that i want to avoid, something that i don't want to happen, and some things that i want to happen which won't happen, the balance is finally tipped and i wish to escape from everything.
Being so tranquil, finally, my mind is so drunk on this tranquility that it wants it to last forever. Knowing that i have to face these challanges and decisons one day, i must be finding it hard knowing that i have to come across many decisions soon.

It's not like i don't understand myself or the philosophy behind everything that i do; people ask me questions like "are you sure" "for real?" "wtf?" and i know pretty damn well that it'll work out, whatever i might be doing.

But this is on another level: i know that my dreams are not reality, why must my mind try and enter that knowing that it's not real?

A state of confused tranquility (yes, it exists) versus reality itself where i must choose one or the other every day, a battle between the two has been going on the past week.
But another level of escape lies beyond that.
About two days ago, i unconsciously shut the outside world from my state of mind.
Aside from being tranquil and aside from telling myself that dreams aren't real, i've been absorbed into a level where nothing concerns me anymore.
I seemed to have shut down everything, from basic human interaction to things like day dreamer. Now, what's a blog about a day dreamer without the writer actually thinking and day dreaming?

Now, i am in a state where nothing is real, i recognize that it's there, i recognize that this is reality, but everything is just so surreal.

There are only a few points in my life where i have reached this point of "i just don't flippin' care anymore"
and they are
- The two times in high school during a swimming meet where coach made me swim 2 events back to back, the 100 Fly, 4 laps of butterfly and the 500 free, 20 laps of free style.
- During one swim practice where i practiced so hard that i felt queasy and was a millimeter away from puking my brains out
- Last year in Texas during the handball tournament where there was so much pain that i was at one point, delirious, and felt like winning or losing didn't matter any more as long as i got to fuck some shit up afterwards.

Now, all of these have in common physical exhaustion, which in my state now, does not exist, so i don't know why it's happening.

I just don't want to think about this anymore >_>
Seems like i need some time off of relaxation and actually go do something.

Maybe... maybe that's the answer, maybe it's because i can't be still for too long, maybe it's because my inner self is urging me to do something.
It is true that i haven't been this relaxed in who knows how long, and being this relaxed might actually be interrupting some weird activity cycle that's imbedded into my circadian rhythm...

This is too confusing right now and i don't want to think about this anymore.
For now, i'll just resume my presence in a world that is real, yet doesn't feel real, a world where anything can happen, but nothing actually happens, a world which is so real that is no longer real, a feeling that lingers within me that might not be sated, and in a world where unlimited thought is processed every second.

HakoneDayDreamer, a world where there might not even be a world, but a world where the world is around us.