Parallel Universe pt.1

Log start: 22:54 January 15th, 2010

Today, i woke up remember the most vivid dream of my life.
Usually when you dream, you wake up and remember it for about 5 minutes, no matter how good it was, and then later you forget it.
This dream that i had for my 2 hour nap was so vivid that i remember it hours after i woke up from my nap: so i thought that it deserved a post, as it is epic as it is a sad story.

Now, this dream isn't like other dreams that i've had where reality was undefined. Strangely enough, this dream was bound to reality so closely that i even thought that i was looking through my own eyes in another mirror of myself that lived in a distant universe that is also theorized to have human life form that is similar to our own.

Now, as i remember it, a whole two days had passed in my dream and i was in the middle of the "supposed" end of the world in 2011. My other self was an expert marksman with handheld guns and instead of a recurve bow that i have in the "real" world, i would have a secret compartment in my room filled with all kinds of pistols.
Kinda cool, i think :3

Now, as it is kinda the end of the world, you can just imagine all of the turmoil, confusion, anarchy, and disorder that's happening around the world.
To top it all off, the sky is red T_T"
Everyone is off to pillage everything and social disorder was never any higher.
But this is the end of the world, why do things like that where you won't get to enjoy it at a later day? Because pillaging for stuff, unless the end of the world is fake, you'd never get to enjoy it. Come on, the sky is red, that's a good sign that it's almost over. So i chose to enjoy the last of my days by living them out peacefully.
There's always happiness in tranquility, and what a better time to obtain some tranquility before the world ends, since nothing mattered anymore.
Another clue that hinted me that i wasn't in my world (besides the obvious fact that this neither a)happened in the past and b)i don't believe that i can tell the future) was there there was absolutely no one that i recognized in my dream. Not my family, not my friends, not random people that i see almost everyday. No one was familiar... so.. here it goes.
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The scent of smoke fills the air as the whole world is drowned in disorder. People left and right are taking advantage of the situation by robbing businesses for pure enjoyment. How can a normal human being spend their last days on this so called world by doing meaningless tasks which have no meaning after the next few days? Perhaps they're just doing things that the previously couldn't do before and is finding justification to do it at this time. Either way, the time you use to spend your last days really tell a lot about a person.
Some people choose to do the things that they weren't allowed to do normally, like killing another human beings or running around with your wang out attempting to shag everything in sight that moves. Some people choose to spend it more normally like eating foods that you were never able to so that you can taste good things before you go or some people even prefer to just sit there and wait for the world to end doing nothing at all.
It's the end of the world, i'm not going to hate on anyone just because of how they choose to spend it because why start hating when you can't even live to hate-on after next week, or if it comes down to the worst, tommorow...? I just have one simple request for the world, that the way you choose to spend your last days do not interfere with mine. That means axe murderers, muggers, crazy people, if you mess with the way i spend my last days, i will pop a cap in your ass. That is all that i ask for during the end of the world.

The end of the world is truly a sight to see. The blood red sky and the bright blue sun radiates pain and destruction, your heart knows that the world is pointing towards an end but you don't know how and you don't know when, you just know that it'll happen. Some people accept the fact that the world is ending and some people are denying it. Either way, i'm not going to let anyone get in my way. I always trust gut feelings and i've never been wrong, so this is definately not a place to start.

In my mind, the best way to spend your last days is with friends and family, people who you're familiar with, and people who share the same end of the world ideals with you.
Seeing as how i have no family to contact, all that's left are my friends.

After some time scrolling down my phone list and contacting everyone on that list to share my thoughts and to find some trusty people to spend my last days with, i find that a lot of the people that i graduated college with has secured a shopping center about half an hours drive from where i am and is not letting anyone in except for friends and family. Basically, an invite only for front row seats to the end of the world. How convenient for me.
The true test of how a person really is, is measured by the way that they spend their last days. After all, nothing in the world matters anymore. Politics, beliefs, the values that you hold, and the laws of the world do not matter at all when you have come to accept that fact that everything will end right before your eyes before you realize it.
If there was ever anytime to shed tears, now would be the time. A tear for everything that you've done in the past, a tear for every hardship that you've come through, one for all the decisions (good or bad) that you have made, one for your family and friends, and one for yourself. Finally, a tear for realizing that everything you've done up to this point has had little meaning whatsoever. How sad. The only time that you realize that nothing seems to matter is when death is so close that you know it's comming at any time.
But, even tears are useless now as the time for regret, repent, and analyzation is long gone. Sometimes, even though you realize that some things are meaningless, you can't help but do them anyway because there is nothing left to do, or better yet, there's nothing left that you can do.

But before everything turns into oblivion, goals are still goals and i still need to carry out my last goal of spending apocalypse with the people who matter to me.
After inviting all of my friends and co-workers to our special hideout, i make preparations for the journey myself.
Looking around my house, i take a quick glance at every single object around me and thoughts of the past run through my mind of how these objects came to be, how they came into my posession and how it will be the last time that i'll be able to lay my eyes on them.

Pity, a whole lifes worth of legacy can be shattered by just one event, death. We do not come to realize in daily life that one day that we will die, because that is a time that we cannot predict. What we cannot predict, we choose to ignore, so we work hard everyday to build something up for self satisfaction only to know that someday, nothing will matter. Everything changes when you actually know that you'll die though. Instead of seeing your life flash before your eyes in an instant for quick deaths, as displayed in literature and media, the most painful thing in the world is having your whole life flash before your eyes and you having the mental capacity to comprehend the whole situation. Realizing that you will die and knowing that you'll die are two very different things. It's when the both of them come together that you feel worried.

Why do i feel so sad after i have come to realize and accept the fact that the whole world will shatter soon? I know better than to have these feelings of sorrow, but that's just the human in every single one of us. Sadness is the one thing that can absolutely obliterate rational thinking... what simple creatures we humans are.

Thinking back on all the memories i had as a child with my family, friends, and co-workers, i just can't help but to weep. These tears are not tears of sadness, and in no way are these tears of joy, what these tears are is that they are tears of realization, of the fact that i must leave everything behind as i venture into my immenent doom.
Soon, all of these objects that i have accumulated from the past will be nothing more than memories that i must leave behind, memories that will of no longer be any value to me, memories that will have no further meaning as soon as i step out of this house, and memories that will forever remain a memory of a person who is one in a couple billion people, who is only an ant in a universe, and whose memories will not benefit anyone except himself. Knowing that i will die soon, all of these memories have been locked in my heart and the key thrown away as i will no longer need to recall any of them, good or bad.

Before i venture out to my doom though, i thought that it would only be fair to cook for myself the best last home cooked meal ever. After all, there's a chinese saying that you shouldn't die a hungry ghost, because then you'll forever be hungry, and being hungry is not a very good feeling. Cooking is the hardest thing in the world when you are able to use everything at your disposal. Think of it as having your whole pantry at home, and you're cooking just one meal with it. You're able to use EVERYTHING knowing that you won't have to stock back up on it later on, because you have everything at your disposal, you just don't know what to make. This is not a time to be stressing myself out, meal or not, i just want something good and homecooked, a feast can be taken care of later when everyone is gathered. Even though i wished for a good meal at home, all i ended up making was instant noodles and dumplings. Not much of a "good" meal, but it's my favourite at home mini fixture for everything. So i'm happy i made it because for the last time, i made myself something that i truly love, no matter what. That's all that matters in my mind.

Now with everything taken care of, it's time to meet the crew. You'll never know what to expect on a journey of a thousand miles (as the saying goes), so you must prepare accordingly. In the garage lies my pride, my joy, and a tank of the road: a 2008 Hummer H2, yellow, of course. People say that the gas mileage is the worst thing about the car, but let me tell you, when need be, this baby will run shit over. It will make its own road if it has to. So you tell me, what better choices are there during the end of the world journey? A journey that is your last, and a journey that you aim to complete, no matter what the cost. I would trust it on this bad boy of a tank.

Now, in my trunk, i have loaded the extra provisions that were found at home, you know, things to fill your stomach with just incase, and food that can possibly be cooked and shared with at our "fortress". Now, my hummer isn't loaded like James Bond's car, it doesn't have missles or an eject button, but if it's one thing i know best, it's weaponry. As an expert marksman and president of the city's most prestige gun club, my home is as loaded as a small military fort. In my triple security sealed room, pistols that hang on the wall from ceiling to floor, rifles that lay side by side in a special shelf, and enough ammunition that can last me a life time can be be seen as soon as you enter.
First weapon to be loaded up: The German H&K PSG1 Semi-Automatic sniper rifle.
- The reason i chose this is simple. This is fast, accurate, and has a mother fucking long range. If a mob of angry nobodys ever try and invade us and demand to let them in, i will not hesitate to shoot. Forget morals, forget religion, and forget laws. If they want to mess with the people that i choose to spend my last days with, they're going to go through hell before hell reaches them. Trust me, i've never missed my targets with this before.
Now, this next one i thought about for a few minutes, at first, i thought bringing an assault rifle was too much overkill. Afterall, what are my goals? To break into fort knox? Not really, but the selling point of me choosing an assault rifle was simple after i thought about it.
Take a look outside, disorder and chaos, on top of that, a red sky and blue sun. People are going to be armed, people are going to be angry, and people are going to be reckless and crazy. Even with my sharpshooting skills, there are only so many shots i can pull off with handguns before i need to reload or just plain run out of ammunition. Preparing for the worst, this will help me in those tough situations. Sometimes, it's always easier to spray and pray. If it ever comes down to me versus a group of 30 people, lets hope i can bring their numbers down faster than they can attack me.
M4A1 Carbine. Standard special forces issue. One of the great things being president of the club is that i get special access and special licenses to have these for my private collection. This thing will tear anyone to shreds, assuming that no one will be wearing military grade body armour of course. I do hate assault rifles though. Only thing that's good about it is that it pulls off more rounds than a pistol can and i'm not in a war zone or anything, i would never see the need to use one of these in real life, but a collection wouldn't be a collection if you didn't have everything, so i keep it. Now that i'm cleaning and loading it up, i don't regret choosing to bring one home. They say that an enemy of your enemy is your friend. That is exactly how i see this situation. I don't like rifles, and they don't like me, we have opposing idealologies, but when the time is right, we'll work together and make a pretty bad ass team at it.

Now, i was never a fan of heavy guns. They're not practical, they're not concealable, and they're too bulky to be fast with. And plus, i didn't get my title as an expert marksman and quick draw champion with them. What i am proficient at and what i worked my short adult life doing was expertise in pistols.
One shot, one kill; if i actually were shooting live targets, of course.
My favourite pistol, of course, would be the Isreali made Desert Eagle.
7 rounds of .50 caliber is more than enough to get any job done. Just think of getting hit with a grenade at high speeds, because this baby will blow a hole the size of a baseball in anyone it hits.
But as the Desert Eagle is powerful, it is also slow, and when the time isn't right, the job won't be done right, so to fix that, my second pistol of choice would be an old fashioned glock. Speed, power, small, light-weight. There's nothing more to ask for in a close quartered combat scenario. .45 caliber of awesome. Not as powerful as the Desert Eagle, but faster, and in arms, speed is deadlier.

Now, enough about my job and fantasies, along with the provisions that i have previously loaded on to the hummer before i went into an orgasmic state taking a last look at my armoury, i have also placed the PSG1 and the M4A1 into the car, strapped 2 Desert Eagles into holsters under my jacket, hid 3 glocks elsewhere onto my body, and stocked up enough ammunition to handle even a zombie apocalypse.

A few hours have passed since i made contact with my friends, and now it's finally time to leave my home. Looking at it again, i almost feel like i don't want to leave. I've been living here for over 10 years, this is the house that my parents bought and was handed down to me, there were so many memories that were made in this house, it's saddening to see it go. While taking my last trip down memory lane, my whole world suddenly turned grey and i could see my family and relatives converging around the house.

Yes... this was around the time of chinese new year, the biggest chinese holiday out of all of them. Chinese new year is about as big as christmas for the world, if not bigger. It's a time for celebration, a time to remember, and a time for festivities. In a Chinese household, there's nothing that can stop the music, nothing that can stop the fun, and nothing that can stop the good food from comming. Just seeing everyone again makes me happy with tears of joy. I haven't had a dream about everyone like this in a long time and i honestly don't want it to stop. Reality right now is like a nightmare come true and happy memories from the past let you reminisce about how it once was before everything shattered overnight. I know that it's useless to think about the past because it will never come back. Memories will forever stay memories, no matter how good the experience once was, but you just can't help but feel happy about them. Seeing everyone again for one last time in this house, even though they're not real, will be able to free me from all the regrets that i have. I'll finally be able to let go of all the feelings that i have in this house, free myself from all the memories and be able to move foward durings my last days without any interruption. Sad though, it took my most cherishable moments with my family to finally realize that i should of let i go a long time ago. The only reason i stayed in this house was that i thought maybe some day i would wake up from a bad dream and everyone would just come back and my world would be normal again. After so many years though, i finally realize that it wasn't the case of why i stayed. I stayed because i couldn't accept the fact that everyone is gone, the fact that i was so lonely in this world, and because i was to scared to move forward. It was hard for me losing everything over night, a normal person wouldn't of been able to deal with it, but the last words that my mother whispered to me "live for me" were the words that i will never be able to forget in this life time, even after i have left all my memories in this house.
To this day, i have blamed myself for everyone not being here. I was powerless, i was weak, and i was useless. What's good in learning a skill to save people with if you can't even save your own family during a time of need? My, what a tragic accident that was during the family vacation. I was so outraged that i had to be escorted back to the states by the American embassy under the supervision of military personnel. Looking back at it, that was the time where i learned to shoot a weapon. I would never be so raged that i would take it out on another human being's life. I clearly remember how i felt when i lost my loved ones and i would never want anyone to feel the same way. Taking it out on paper targets and silicone dummies was the only thing i could do, what a fool i was then, and what a fool i am now. Vowing that i would never pull the trigger on a living human being once before, i have overcame that resolve just moments ago when i was mentally prepared to pull the trigger to protect my newly formed ideals. How did i turn into this hypocritical nutjob that would of once gave his life to save others? Whatever the answer to that question may be, it's futile to think about it now, because once i put more thought into it, my resolve will start to weaken and when the time comes, i will not be able to save anyone. Failure will not happen twice in my lifetime, i will make sure of that until my last dying breath, wherever that breath may be taken.

As i packed the last of the ammunition into the hummer, i quickly went upstairs to my room to get a peice of paper from my printer. I was never a man of superstition but seeing as how it's going to be the last time i am able to set foot in here, it only felt right to bow my head in front of the family altar one last time before i set off. On the peice of paper, i wrote "To my family: Sorry. I will see you soon. -Love, Brian" sealed it up in an envelope and closed it with a wax stamp. Walking over to the altar, i lit up 5 pieces of incense, one for every family member that i failed to save that day and bowed my head three times. One bow to my ancestors, one bow to my parents, and one bow to ask for protection. Chinese traditions were never my forté, but until i walk out of this house, i will always bear the guilt of being a useless child. I tucked the letter under the pot of incense and i walked towards the garage quietly sheading tears.

On the road outside, there are signs leading you to a coastal evacuation center like this was a chapter out of the bible entitled Noah's Ark. Surpisingly enough though, there were barely any vehicles on the road outside. I guess i was too late for the party. Out on the main streets though, there were people holding guns walking around to stores like this was some place in somalia with pirates looting the stores. What a sad place the world has become. Once a place of order and tranquility, the city has turned chaotic in a matter of days. Even the trees weep as they lose their sparkling green leaves in the middle of spring months. Realizing that this is not a good time to sum up on the situation regarding other people, i make a drive towards that interstate that would lead me to the fortress while i gnaw on the milky way bar that i had found in my glove box. A few blocks later, i had a sudden flashback about the chocolate bar that i had found. It didn't strike me to be weird before when i found this candy bar in my glove box, but thinking a little about it now, i actually don't buy candy bars for myself, so how did this get here? My flashback had made me realize that this candy bar was installed under all the car documents that i have in the glove box by my ex-girlfriend Heather. Heather was a crazy psychopath which tried to take charge of my everyday life, it got as bad as to when she wanted to control when i showered, slept, and went to the bathroom. You don't really get to know someone until you've spent time with them, and this was one of my worst decisions to date. I had met Heather at one of my friend's birthday parties, at that time, she glowed with vibrant colours and her smile was a 1-hit-KO. Mezmerized by her outer beauty, i had failed to assess the situation completely, leading to a horrible relationship. After that time, i started to analyze girls so much before hinting that i have an interest in them that i haven't gone out with another girl since. It only takes one psychotic girl to ruin your game, and my game was forever ruined. Not wanting to think about the evil girl Heather anymore, i quickly lowered my window and disposed of her last remnants.

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END OF PART ONE//End Time: January 18th, 2011 3:51am
I'm going to start recording part two tommorow.

If my story had a soundtrack, this would be one of the songs::


HakoneDayDreamer