randomness

Log start: 6:21pm December 26th, 2010

Desolate; the blizzardy winter nights are.
Taking a look outside the window, you can't see more than white fluffy composition of snowflakes, you which know are not all the same as it reflects the uniqueness of human civilization itself.
Desolation; trapped within by all of this... emptiness that looks alike, but not.

You have only yourself to turn to, but is that really safe? Is it really what you're looking for?

Is it what you have come to desire...?

Definately not!
Lul.

Despite all of this feeling of being trapped with nowhere to go, technology has made this world more bearable! Bwuahahaha.
But I do admit, i don't enjoy snow like i used to.
10 years back, i would of probably nagged my mom to help me find my waterproof pants and the heaviest coat with some scarves and then eject myself out into the snow with all of the children in the neighborhood making snowmen and snow angels.

Looking at it now, there is nothing to be seen outside.
I don't know if it's because all of us are grown up and there are no more children around in the neighborhood (because i suspect that is not the case).
It's because of technology.
Technology can enhance many aspects of our lives, but it seems that it also corrupts many.
I remember growing up, i would love to go outside for everything, now, i just sit in my room facing this screen of unlimited distractions.
Even now, the kids are just sitting at home chatting with each other online through webcams and whatnot, while i go outside with friends to enjoy what society has to offer.
Is this really what we wanted? Is this really going to be the outcome of human society?

I hope not.

But it is true even more so during these blizzardy days.

But, what can i do?

Let me tell you though, this feeling of not being able to go anywhere, by car or public transportation, bothers me. This feeling of being trapped by forces that i cannot control, it's sickening.
Even if i choose not to be outside, i would like to know that i have the ability to be outside.

Sure, you might say that i have the ability to do it.
But honestly. Rethink that.

16-20 something inches of snow overnight, it's certainly a slow building prison until the city decides to salt and shovel all of the snow from the major roads, maybe then i can consider public transportation.
But to people who prefer to drive, like myself, how is tommorow going to be better knowing that the very machine that gives me mobility is trapped under many feet of nature's worst nightmare?

Nevertheless, this is the only reason why i dislike snow.

Looking at it brings back so many memories. Ah... sigh.
Now all of these memories cannot be recreated by anyone else because it seems that the kids do not like to play outside now.

Maybe it's a good time to write my new years resolutions and set some goals for myself.

I just don't know what to do.

So confused.

I was walking around the house before looking for my phone and my mom asked me what i was looking for after awhile of running around and she pointed out that my phone was in my hand the whole time.

Seriously.

What is causing this -_-

HakoneDayDreamer, i have no idea if what i just wrote is at all comprehendable. Apologies.

Post of basic guidelines

Log start: 10:21pm December 20th, 2010

As i drove off of campus today, i asked myself what i've been doing for the past 7 semesters of college.
This semester was, by far, the fastest semester that i've completed at college and i can't explain why. There is no logical explaination to why time feels faster than it is, because time is a universal constant, it is something that can neither go faster or slower, only our perception of it changes.
All throughout the drive back to Queens, i tried to wrap my head around what i've been doing in college and why this semester seemed like it was so fast.
The only conclusion that came to mind was that i'm getting old. As i get older, i expect less out of each day. It no longer takes an exploding truck to make my day, maybe if someone gives me a cookie, maybe if my professor lets the class out early, maybe if i get to look at/talk to the girl i have a crush on.

I'm tired of expecting so much out of life and i have learned to live life for what it is and enjoy the little things.
Sitting down in my room watching some C/K/J Dramas having a beer.
Taking a break from photography and making myself a cup of nice green tea.
Picking at peoples brains for no reason at all.

All of these small things give me pleasure in life now, no more will i long for my days to be mission impossibles, no more will i long to exert all of my strength in a day, and no more will i have a need to FIND something to do.

Now i can just sit down and just do what i want to do.
I might even bring my small bonsai tree from home to my dorm and trim it a bit from time to time for pure enjoyment.
All i'm asking for is a moment of truth, a time where i can be me because i can be. Not putting on some different face because i want to, but doing what i want because i can.

Every day is a brighter day because i have the luxury(sort of) to do what i want to do. (senior year procrastination and just not giving a l0lwtfpl0x's ass about anything)
If you don't like something, ignore.
If you like something, take in more.
(i'm not exactly the prime example of a "good" student as you can see)

At this stage in my life, it seems like i should only care about the things that i truly care about and disregard everything else.

That's what i'm aiming for.

HakoneDayDreamer, it's cold. No... it's COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD.
Lunar Eclipse 2010! Pix next entry?

Clarity

Unable
to move

Weighed
down as if my foot was stuck in concrete

Disabled
by my own quivering senses

Mesmerized
by the sound of your voice

Haunted
by past experiences

Fearing
the for the future

Excitement
draws near

Failing
to finish

Hanging
on to what's there

Unsatisfied
by the result

Waiting
for something


-BT:20101214:Clarity